The Locked Box Theory

Dear Leo and Miller,

I’ve read that you should start a blog under the impression that no-one will read it and if you still want to go ahead, then it means it is worth doing. I want you two to read it at some point obviously but I honestly don’t care if we are the only three people this is for. Your Daddy might have a look of course but if it doesn’t involve football or designer menswear I suspect he won’t be too interested.

So I am going to treat this blog like a locked box. If this was the olden days, these letters would be on paper and I would lock them away in a box for you to read when you are older. For your eyes only. But this is the 21st century, so it’s not a box, it’s a blog and I do want other people to look at it, so it won’t be locked.

I do hope people read it and like it but if not another soul in the world other than us ever sees it, it’s still doing its job.

Love Fa

Remind me why I’m doing this?

So I think this is my first posting but can’t be sure as I’m doing it on my phone and getting lost in the WordPress app… Haven’t done this for a while and I’m getting pages and posts mixed up. How amateur… 

I wanted my first post to explain why I am doing this. Why I have started this blog. Perhaps I should start with the name which in hindsight sounds like a really bad t-shirt brand… But had such lofty aspirations. 

I have two young children (3 and one and a half) and amongst the million things regarding them that race through my mind every second of every day, are the big things. What will happen to them? What will they be like when they grow up? When I grow up even? And the really big one I ask myself all time: what do I want them to be? What’s the most important thing in life I could teach them or help them to be? I decided I couldn’t narrow it down to one and that I was allowed two. 

They were, fearless and kind.

Fearless is not the same as brave, which is very different. I specifically wish for my children to live without fear; which of course is highly ambitious. But what I mean is, to not feel so much fear (as I sometimes do) – about the world around them (evil people, war etc etc) and the thoughts in their head (I’m never going to be good enough, I’m not happy enough, shit is this really it.? – I could go on.) 

And kind. Which is quite naff. But what I think actually makes the world go round and not love. Controversial I know. However, if you think of it this way: not everyone gets so lucky and finds love in their life or even had it to begin with. But what everyone has definitely been on the receiving end of, and always has the potential to offer up to the universe is, kindness. Plus it is never damaging. Love frequently is. That’s not to say I don’t want my children to experience love. It’s just that I think love comes regardless (usually via dumb luck) but kindness you can make happen no matter whatever life throws at you. That’s what I want to get across. That’s the vibe I’m going for.

So I’ve covered the name. And typed too much on a phone for one night… But at least I’ve made a start and sometimes it doesn’t have to be perfect, it just has to exist. Which is the first very useful lesson I would like to pass on. 

But in a nutshell, I’m going to use this blog as a place to collect my thoughts on anything that I think my children might eventually find useful/inspiring/funny/interesting/other. It may very well end up being nothing more than my ramblings and rantings but you never know, they might just learn something about life or at the very least, a lot about me.

Good night.

X

– Right so this wasn’t my first post. It was a PAGE. Which is something I can play with until I get right and it become’s a permanent feature that is easy to find to refer to. Gotcha. And the posts will all be the letters I write to Leo and Miller in the order in which I write them. OK.

First blog post

This is the excerpt for your very first post.

Dear Leo and Miller,

So your Aunty Jess is getting married and she’s asked me to give a reading. Typically she only told me what the reading was about two weeks ago. Apparently she wanted to change it (I think she probably didn’t like names other than Jess and Jonnie featuring) but I have refused and so am reading the whole thing in it’s entirety. And so I should. Because it is beautiful. And made even more so because it has come from a real place about real people: without the names and domestic references, it loses what makes it so moving. So anyway what got me the most about this reading is the reason I had the idea for this blog. It wasn’t actually the words themselves, it’s the immediacy with which he wrote them. He replied to his son’s letter the same day he received it. Now of course it helps that he’s a literary icon and one of the most celebrated novelists of our time and his shopping lists probably read like masterpieces but still, he knocked this letter out in a day at the most. And maybe it wouldn’t have been so powerful had it been more thought out and perfect. So that is the thinking behind what I’m doing. I’m knocking stuff out as it happens or as I remember it or as I see it, without too much consideration or editing.

Love Fa. (Which is how Steinbeck signed off his letter so I am copying. Mummy sounds too sickly and Mother too formal.)